How to Fix Your Mate:  7 Steps to Move from Apprehension to Appreciation

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Photo by Jasmine Wallace Carter on

Let’s clarify one thing.  Love is about freedom not control. We can fix objects and situations not people.  No matter what quirk or irritation you and your special person are at odds about, here are some steps that can help change the situation while encouraging your mate to be their best!

Here are 7 Steps to move from apprehension to appreciation!

1. Don’t put unrealistic expectations on each other.

Instead accept your limits and learn to depend on God. You’ll be stronger together.

2. Focus on what is best and beautiful in each other.

Feed your strengths and take your weaknesses to God. Afterall negativity begets negativity. Criticism is seldom constructive if it tears you apart.

3. Create a nourishing environment where you both can thrive.

One way is to learn your mate’s love language and learn to speak it fluently. Check out  The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

4. Take time to evaluate the situation. What you may think needs to be fixed is just another way to approach an issue/ life task.

Try understanding your mate’s personality profile. The way we take in information, view the world and our instinctive reaction to situations is colored primarily by our unique personalities and life experiences. Check out the Myers Briggs personality profiles.  You can find out your personality types by taking a free online assessments- here’s one I’ve tried.  Here’s another site that provides an in-depth analysis of the Myers Briggs personality profiles and also provides additional information on how different personalities are likely to experience relationships.

5. Nagging will get you nowhere. Instead of berating him or her, explain how his or her behavior makes you feel. They may not even realize!

6. Provide positive feedback on what’s working. Don’t hide the way you feel! Praise your mate for what you love.

7. Be ready to let go. Somethings just aren’t worth fussing over.

Love is patient, and none of us became who we are overnight. keep loving him or her like you want to be loved and you will find your whole perspective changes. What you once thought was unbearably annoying will pale in comparison to the love trust and commitment you’ve cultivated together. That said, being ready to let go also means knowing when to love from a D I S T A N C E. Trust God to handle that. At the end of the day, loving someone does not ever mean learning to love something that is harmful to you. Appreciate the freedom of letting go and letting God fix it.

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